Beliefs and Patterns

We lead our lives based on beliefs that are based on our perceptions that we gather right from childhood. As coaches we look for the root of the beliefs that a client comes with, those beliefs that hamper their growth in their life, and we help our clients leave those behind as they surge ahead to a better future.

It is heartening when the barrier of disbelief is broken and the client understands and can see the whole chain of events that lead from the past to the present.

A client revealed today that she had finally understood what we had been gently pushing her towards realising about her pattern of insecurities.

As a child Malini had perceived her middle class family as being quite poor; a couple of incidents had left that indelible imprint on her mind. As she grew up, she over-compensated for her family as she took on the responsibility of providing for them.

Malini is a professional with a good income right from the start of her career. She was always insecure about money though. She gave away almost everything that she earned to her family. In her perception the family was needing the money more, while she could manage as she was earning well.

Such insecurity was also mixed with guilt for earning more than anyone in her family, so she strived to give more and earn more. She thought if she worked more she would be rich, however whenever she improved her performance at work and earned more, she felt the need for more.

An example she shared with us was that she would to justify to herself why she was spending money on herself every time that she did! As coaches we know that this doesn’t speak of an abundance mind-set. This was also affecting her relationships and she had no clue about it.

She went on living her life in a similar fashion, till on her 50th birthday she felt that in spite of working hard and earning her whole career, she didn’t have much of a nest egg. The insecurities came in manifold all over again and she went into a spiral of self-recrimination and self-doubt.

Her ‘Aha’ moment came after a month of working with us at De Mantraa. Earlier she wouldn’t agree to her being insecure as materially she was well-off, she was helping her family too. She became aware of her insecurity as a mother one day when she noticed herself nagging her son for not eating healthy.

Malini heard her inner-talk with herself for the first time. She was telling herself that she didn’t want to be a bad mother. At other instances she would reprimand herself for not taking care of her old mother, not being a good daughter.

All her perceptions about herself stemmed from the insecurities she had sensed as a child from a few incidents. It is the meanings that we attach to our experiences that become our beliefs, that in turn drive us constructively in life, or damage us in our lives.

Malini went on with the session with a changed perspective and today’s session was very profound for her as she could let go of her old pattern.

The very awareness of a problem is half the problem solved. The journey of self-realisation is just that – Becoming aware of what we think and do, what drives our thoughts and actions. From the awareness stems the recognition that it is an unnecessary drama that we play in our lives, bringing much discomfort to ourselves.

By,
Nayan Agarwal